I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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