week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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