apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
