Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
