That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
