Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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