It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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