lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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