Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
