i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
