if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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