Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
