So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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