Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
