My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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