He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
