Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
and she was petting her beer can
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
