just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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