gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
