someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
