Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
