and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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