she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
