Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
