there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
