the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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