i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
