I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
