She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize