Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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