Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
