the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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