She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
