he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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