I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
