It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
