My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
