We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
