I wish my penis had an off switch
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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