bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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