The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
