I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
