Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
