Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
