Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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