i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had sex bonerless
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
