We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
