Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
