I didn't shave. On purpose
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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