I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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