Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
