I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
