i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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