she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
