there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
