apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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