forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize