I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How does it feel to date your dad?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
