ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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