My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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