Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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