I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
