Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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