you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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