Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
