He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
