So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
